Episode 23- Einstein Time

In this episode I discuss the concept that time is relative- Einstein time!  

Do you feel like you are a victim of time- that there is never enough or that your results aren't happening fast enough?  Do you feel like you should be busy in order to be a worthy human?  

Time is actually a neutral phenomenon, so blaming time or feeling like a victim is a powerless place to be.

Take control of how you see time- and learn that you can make time!  

Learn about Einstein time and how it can bring about greater peace in your life and in your healing journey.

 

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Transcript:

This is Betsy Jensen, and you are listening to Unstoppable Body and Mind—Episode 23–Einstein Time.

 

In this podcast we learn to upgrade our brain and understand the power of our thoughts, to heal and to create the results we want in our life. Become the person in control of your healing and make peace with your life.  Become unstoppable, body and mind. 

 

Hello, my friends, this is Episode 23, where we are going to talk about Einstein Time. If you haven't heard of that, I first heard about it in The Big Leap, the book by Gay Hendricks and he talks about time in a way that he said Einstein explained. So basically, time is relative. So just like there is Newtonian physics and quantum physics, there's also Newtonian time. Which would be that there are sixty seconds in a minute and twenty-four hours in a day and seven days in a week.  That's very quantifiable and measurable, and Newtonian. And then Einstein time is based more on our perception of time, which can be different from person to person or situation. 

 

So if you think about putting your hand on a burning-hot stove for a minute, that could feel as long as an hour. But if you are with someone that you love, and you're enjoying your time, an hour might pass by and feel just like a minute. Basically, when you're trying to escape from your current experiences, like with your hand on a hot stove, you're contracting away or you're fighting for what's going on. It makes time go more slowly. But with your beloved, you're completely open and time essentially disappears. 

 

You've heard the term “Time flies when you're having fun” or I think too when you're busy doing something, time can go faster. I've had a job before where I did not have much to do, which I thought would be awesome. But time would just drag on and it felt like forever. But when I was more busy, then time seemed to go by quite quickly. Or if you think about taking a timed test, or sometimes I think about those shows where they have to like bake a cake for a competition in an hour, and how quickly an hour can go by. Also, when you're in the zone, you know, when you're in flow time, it's like time almost contracts. 

 

I think for most of us, I know definitely for me, time has almost seemed like an enemy. There was just not enough time. There's always too much to do. Those were some of my main core beliefs in life that I didn't even realize I had. When I saw myself in relation to time I was this helpless victim and I would blame things on time that I just didn't have enough. I didn't get that done because I ran out of time. But really time is neutral. If you think about the model, time would be on the circumstance line. So it wasn't time that was good or bad, or abundant or scarce. It was just my thoughts about time that created a negative relationship that I had with time in my mind.

 

In Episode 18, I talked about silencing the inner critic and I talked about the main first thing to start with is not saying negative things about yourself out loud, and noticing how you speak about yourself out loud. So I also want you to start noticing how you speak about time. Do you find yourself often saying that you're too busy, that you don't have enough time? It's fascinating sometimes when people ask “How are you doing?” We'll respond, “Oh, I'm busy.” So of all of the emotions available, you could choose fantastic or wonderful or amazing or fabulous. You're going to define yourself as busy. It's almost like a badge of honor in our culture. It's rewarded. 

 

I definitely felt that my worth was based on my accomplishments. And I didn't even realize that I was thinking that but at a subconscious level, I didn't really feel like I was a good enough person, unless I was accomplishing things and there was a numerable amount of things that I had to accomplish. And that's why there was never enough time. I mean, I could never get enough done because what is enough? I definitely had a victim relationship with time. 

 

And have you ever heard that how you do anything is how you do everything. If you have a victim relationship with a phenomenon like time you're probably going to see yourself as a victim in other areas of your life like with relationships, or with money. So really stop speaking like you are a victim of time, try to notice it and try to stop it. So instead of saying, “I don't have time for that,” you could say, “I'm not willing to make time.” You can see why it's kind of nicer to play the victim here. Like you don't want to tell your friend that “I'm not willing to make time to call you back.” It's much easier to say, “I've been so busy. I've just been swamped. I totally ran out of time last night.” It's so much easier to be the victim than to take responsibility, but by saying, “I didn't make time,” you're the one who keeps the ownership. You have the place of power. 

 

Gay Hendricks says that being in a hurry is a sign of mental illness. So I don't think he actually meant mental illness like you would go to a psychiatrist, of course, but he does have a good point. So the mental capacity that you have when you're in a hurry, or you're feeling scarcity around time, is not your clearest, most competent self. How many times when you're rushing to get out the door do you lose your keys or you can't find your phone? I've literally been talking on my phone, and I'm like, “Where's my phone?” Because, you know, when you're flustered and you're hurried, and you're rushed, you're just not thinking clearly. 

 

This example drives me crazy. If I have a busy day planned for the next day, and I'm thinking about it the night before, then often what will happen is I wake up sometime in the middle of the night or 3 a.m. or something—I can't get back to sleep. And I just lay there worried about how much I have to do the next day, and how tired I'm going to be. And I cannot get back to sleep. So frustrating, but totally an example of how our thoughts really create our reality. I'm going to bed thinking, I'm going to be exhausted tomorrow because I have such a big day. And then I end up not sleeping and even starting my day before my big day arrives already exhausted.

 

What other things can you think of that happen when you're busy, when you're rushed, when you're feeling like you are a victim of time? If I'm driving somewhere crazy, I'm actually more likely to get hurt or get in an accident. Sometimes when I'm rushed, I end up having to go back and redo things because I didn't do it right the first time. And then of course, when I'm super overwhelmed with all of the things that I have to do, is when I'm actually more likely to just avoid doing everything all together, and scroll on Facebook for an hour, or I'm more likely to procrastinate and essentially just end up wasting more time. So watch yourself when you're feeling really busy. When you have that scarcity of time, maybe if you're panicked about being late. Are you driving like a crazy person? Are you yelling at your kids? And are you blaming other people for how you ran out of time? 

 

Being busy is really a terrible place to live. You're not using your higher brain, you're in fight or flight. And we know that chronic fight or flight leads to chronic pain and disease. Your body cannot run on high speed. You can't sprint all the time without taking a break, or your body breaks down. Think of a computer that's running with twenty tabs open, how slow and ineffective it is. So being busy is really not a badge of honor. It doesn't make you more awesome or more worthy because you're busy. 

 

I remember a few years back hearing about a study about how multitasking wasn't effective. And I totally thought that I was the exception to that rule, that for other people, I could see how it's probably not effective. But I truly believed that I was a good multitasker. But as I started getting coaching and talking about the results that I had in my life, I was realizing how many unfinished things I had started and never gotten around to finishing, and started to realize that yes, even for me, multitasking is not effective. And of course, I find this so ironic. It's just another way that my brain would prove my thoughts true. So I thought I didn't have time to do everything I needed to. I would leave a bunch of stuff undone and then I would have all of this evidence of all these things I see I had to do, proving my thought true that I am too busy. 

 

If you find yourself not finishing things or even not starting things, if you're procrastinating, if you're creating a lot of mental drama about time, if you're complaining, or feeling like a victim of time, then I really want you to think about Einstein time. Since time is something you can choose how to think about, rather than being a victim of time. 

 

You could also think of yourself as a producer of time.  There's a quote, “You'll never find time for anything. If you want the time, you must make it.” So what if instead of running out of time, you can make time? Wouldn't you rather be a producer of time than a consumer of time? That feels a lot more abundant. To think of being able to make time, I think the first step to get rid of your victim mentality about time, is to realize that all of the things that you're doing are things that you choose to do. So if there are some things that you're doing that you're not actually choosing to do—you feel obligated to for someone else—you may consider telling that person you don't want to do those things for them. 

 

But really think about it. If it's things like, I have to work, or I have to make dinner and then I have to clean up, what if those things or the way of phrasing it isn't exactly true? What if you don't have to work, but you like working because you like money, and you like making dinner because cooking at home might save money or you prepare more healthy meals and you like cleaning up because you like having a clean kitchen. Now it doesn't necessarily mean you really like every single aspect of those chores or going to work, but you like them. That effect, the result that it creates. And so it's still a choice that you're making to do those things. What if you aren't a victim at all in these things you choose to do?

 

I think of life as 50/50. So even in your dream job, or in a relationship, there are going to be positive and negative things. In starting my own business, there may be things I'm super excited to do and super passionate about, like recording podcasts. And inevitably, there are things that I'm not going to find as exciting, but they are part of having a business. So I can still think that I'm choosing to do things without thinking of myself as a victim, and still realize that I don't enjoy some of the things but I'm choosing to do them anyway. And sometimes with those less enjoyable tasks, I can think of some ways to make them fun.

 

One of the things I like to do is to set a timer and try to get the chore done in a certain amount of time. So if I'm doing the dishes, did you know that doing the dishes can like sometimes just take ten minutes? We sometimes put it off and make it into a big deal. But when you actually just get at it, and don't stop and procrastinate and do other things and complain about it, then sometimes it can go actually quite quickly. 

 

Sometimes I'll listen to music or listen to a podcast while I'm cooking or walking, for meditating. Sometimes I'll do a guided meditation, or I like the Muse headband for meditating. It gives me feedback and it tracks my progress each day on an app, which I like. Back when I used to do a lot of driving my kids around places, I chose to look at it as a time that I could spend one on one with a kid and it totally changed my perspective about taking them to a friend's house or feeling like I had to drive them around like a victim. 

 

Now, here's the thing that I thought was interesting. When I started learning about Einstein time and practicing getting myself into a calmer state about time, when I would feel rushed, say I was getting ready for work or to go somewhere, and I started feeling that sensation in my body where I was getting a little bit anxious or tense. Usually my stomach would get tight, my heart rate would raise, I would notice it and I would call myself, usually taking some breaths, reminding myself to slow down that it would be okay. Sometimes I would even say Einstein time in my head, and I would literally be able to get myself to a calmer state for my nervous system. And I felt more abundance than I did scarcity. And I found that time would usually work out. 

 

So even if I thought I was gonna run late for something, I would purposely not check the clock very much. I would do the things I needed to do in an efficient, but timely, way. And any time I started feeling that anxiousness or stress, calm myself down, get to work by driving as I would without craziness and without yelling at people and wishing they drove differently. And most often, I would arrive on time, or within a few minutes, and usually, like the meeting would end up starting a few minutes late that day, or there was still a spot open for me at yoga class, or the person that I was meeting would actually get there later than I would. I mean, I would still try my best to be on time, but having this calm attitude didn't mean that I was getting there hours late, and that I was negligent. But it did make my drive time more enjoyable. When I did get there, I was in a better mood. I wasn't frantic. I didn't lock my keys in my car or forget important things at home. 

 

I would suggest that you try a little bit of Einstein time in your life, because although our brain wants to go to the extreme, like, oh, that will never work and you'll never do anything. If you aren't forcing yourself to be rushed and busy all the time, it's going to turn out better for you. I even hung in my car some flower leis that my daughter had, and I realized that it covered up the clock in my car, and I left them because I really liked not having that time staring right back at me. So if I want to check the time, I just move them over to the side and look, but I found it helpful. Because each time I would look at the clock and start to get a little bit panicked, I would have to remind myself to calm back down and it was easier just not to obsessively check the clock. 

 

Really try to feel these sensations in your body. Try to drop in to what you're feeling, be mindful. Notice when you start feeling anxious or rushed or scarcity or a victim about time, remind yourself that time is relative, try calming yourself and trying Einstein time and see how it works out for you.

 

Now, as always, I like to relate the concept I'm talking about to chronic pain or disease. And I hear a lot about time when people talk about their healing journey and it's usually from that place of the optimization and scarcity. I think every person I've worked with at some point, including myself, have often said things like, “Why is this taking so long? I'm not sure if I'll ever get better. What if this never goes away? I wish I was better already.” And it makes sense because no one wants to be in pain. But remember, as Nicole Sachs says, chronic pain is an epidemic of fear when things don't seem like they're happening quickly enough, especially if we are getting better and feeling better for a few days, and then start to have some symptoms again, or feel like we're getting worse. That can trigger some fear, which of course, makes the healing more difficult. 

 

The time we're feeling pain, it's like our hand on the hot stove. It feels like it's forever. And sometimes it's interesting because we're so focused on the pain that we don't even notice when we don't have pain. 

 

When I'll ask people about their symptoms, they'll describe over the last week, like there was a couple times that my arm really hurt when I moved it this way. And then when I start questioning them, they're not even recognizing, like, 90% of the time that they are feeling good and they didn't have pain. And they don't even think to bring that up to me. But they're so on the lookout for those times that they did have pain and try to put meaning on it. What could that mean? When we're focusing on pain, that makes time expand. So it's also very hard to be patient with ourselves. When we feel the sensations in our body, we definitely try to make sense of it by giving it meaning like, I must have done something. I wonder what's going on on the inside. Is there damage that's permanent? But what if we could think of our healing journey, not as a struggle line, but a path that we're traveling that has some ups and downs. 

 

Because most of the time, that's just how it is. Especially when people start the journey. And they start feeling better and better and better. And they learn about how powerful their mind can be in healing, then sometimes they start to beat themselves up that they aren't healed a little bit faster. But think about the relativity of time here. If you have had back pain for ten years, you know, it might not be something that goes away in just a week or two. But if you could think like, I'm giving myself three months for this process, and I'm really going to keep working on things and if I had it for ten years, three months really relatively is a short amount of time. And I'm not saying that, you know, if it's ten years, it'll be three months, like it's different for everyone. 

 

But what I do know is when you start beating yourself up and feeling really bad about how it's not happening faster, that ironically, that will make it take longer. Emotions are definitely a factor in our healing. And that's why patience and compassion for ourselves and remembering that sometimes things do take time. And the more we try to control the speed in which things happen, and get frustrated and beat ourselves up for them not happening faster than they're happening, then the more difficulty really it's going to create for ourselves. You are feeling exactly what you need to be feeling right now. And remember, life is 50/50, so you're not going to feel good all the time. 

 

So whether you've been feeling better and then start feeling worse again, or you have a new pain symptom come up, think of pain as a teacher for you. And it won't go away until you've learned what you need to learn from it when things don't happen in the time that I want them to. And if it's not a quick and easy fix, then I try to think of things as the long game. Sometimes in life, there are things that are quick, the short game, and sometimes we play the long game. 

 

Like I thought it might be easier for me to learn a song on the ukulele than it was. But it turns out that it took me a longer time than I thought it would. But it's not a big deal. It's the long game. My website took longer than I thought it would to get it looking how I wanted. But it turns out that I just had an expectation that wasn't realistic. And it doesn't mean anything bad about me or anyone else. It's just different than I thought it would be. 

 

We're playing the long game when you're in a rush for things to change, then that's when they usually end up taking longer. So just recognize, you do have control of your perception of time, you can have control with your relationship to time. And rather than trying to control every aspect of time and when things happen, the more easily you'll actually be able to attain your goals. 

 

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