Episode #14- Reprogram Your Brain to Stop Worrying

In this episode we talk about worry and anxiety- why we worry, how worrying effects our health, and techniques you can use today to stop your out of control worrying.  

 

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Transcript: 

This is Betsy Jensen, and you are listening to Unstoppable Body and Mind—Episode 14–Reprogram Your Brain to Stop Worrying.

 

In this podcast we learn to upgrade our brain and understand the power of our thoughts, to heal and to create the results we want in our life. Become the person in control of your healing and make peace with your life.  Become unstoppable, body and mind.

 

Hello, today we are going to talk all about worrying, understanding why we worry, if it's helpful, and how to stop worrying. Especially if you worry excessively, this can really affect your life. I know I have some anxiety and worry has been part of my life since I can remember. I feel like a lot of it maybe is genetic. There are other members of my family that worry a lot. Definitely the society that we all grow up in does tend to promote worry. Sometimes I feel like I overthink everything. And my brain is just so active. And it seems almost beyond my control that my brain just goes into this worry mode and there's nothing I can do to help it. 

 

But I have learned some techniques and tools that I want to share with you today concerning worrying, and how we can change that pattern. I'm also happy to announce that I'm working on a six-week intensive program for decreasing anxiety. And that will be ready shortly. I'll definitely keep you informed about it. But just so you know, today will kind of scratch the surface of some tips and tricks, but to really implement it in your life. I suggest really diving deeply into your own issues and thoughts surrounding anxiety. 

 

I always find it helpful to start with looking at the brain and our evolution as a species, and why we worry. Did you know humans are the only animals that have chronic stress and anxiety? Other animals do feel stress, right? They feel there's something dangerous in their environment, and they have a stress response. And then they solve that problem and stop the stress. So if we imagine a zebra that's out on the savanna, and is eating some grass, and then here's an approaching lion, they run for cover. And when the threat is over, they return to grazing and going on with their life, finding shelter, finding water, whatever they need to do. It's very moment to moment and when their body is not under that stressful situation, they're not thinking about the future. 

 

Humans have this huge prefrontal cortex, this most evolved and advanced part of our brain where we are able to conceive of ourselves as separate beings. We’re able to think about the past and we’re able to think about the future, which usually causes a lot of worry. Admittedly, our ancestors did have to worry about surviving a lot. They may have been threatened by predators or the prospects of not having enough food. But I would dare say all of you who are listening to this podcast today probably are not in survival “fight and flight” type of situation chronically daily. Although our brains perceive it as such, we probably have shelter and food and clean drinking water. We're probably not threatened by being outcast from our tribe and having to survive on our own. 

 

But our brains still have these primitive responses and we want to people please so we are accepted by people because our brain literally fears that we are going to not survive or we will die if people don't accept us. “But wait,” you may be saying, “we are in a survival situation right now.” Right, COVID-19: it's gonna kill us all. That's what the media keeps telling us. That's what the government keeps telling us. There's a lot of evidence that we are in a state of survival right now—this is verified. Just turn on the news. Look at the numbers, right? 

 

But let's look at the numbers. I looked up some statistics and these are worldwide numbers just from January 1, 2020 until today, April 9, 2020. So far this year there have been 89,975 deaths from Coronavirus. Another statistic very close to this number: Worldwide there have been 84,110 deaths of mothers who died in childbirth. There have been 132,333 deaths from the seasonal flu. There have been 229,161 deaths from water-related diseases, 291,812 deaths by malaria, 289,950 suicides, 367,340 deaths from road traffic accidents, 457,453 deaths from HIV, or AIDS. There have been 680,609 deaths from alcohol, 1,360,360 deaths from smoking, 2,234,939 deaths from cancer, and 3,043,482 deaths from hunger this year. 

 

All of these numbers are updated continually and available on worldometers.info. And I'm not suggesting that you look them up to freak yourself out about other ways you could possibly die. But statistically, we are more likely, way more likely, to die of driving in a car or even worldwide, there are more people dying of hunger. I mean, over 3 million so far this year. Imagine if we had the compassion and concern for humanity that we did fighting hunger or fighting cancer or alcoholism or smoking, which have deaths in the millions already this year, versus the number of deaths from Coronavirus. 

 

Ironically, this social isolating and the news and propaganda seem to actually be causing a lot more people to turn to ways of trying to escape reality and buffering by consuming more alcohol or doing more smoking. Another statistic I found interesting is that right now there are approximately 1.5 million cases of Coronavirus in the world. And, of course, this number is probably not accurate because we know that up to 50% of the people who are in contact with the virus actually show no symptoms, and so they're not going to get tested. But if there are 1.5 million active cases, they say that 1 million of them, which is 96%, are mild; only about 4%, or 48,000, of the cases would be considered serious or critical. 

 

But we are bombarded with the scariest cases, the most sensational headlines. When there's a teen or a baby that dies of Coronavirus, everyone hears about it. As humans, we have this morbid curiosity and our brains do have a negativity bias; we're always looking for things that might be dangerous for us—things that can keep ourselves safe. Sometimes we don't even realize the flawed thinking we have going on subconsciously. I coached someone who really justified in her head that by checking the numbers, by watching the news, by staying up to date on the current information of how many deaths there have been, that that would prevent her from dying. And when I pointed it out, we laughed and she realized she's not going to be immortal because she is checking the numbers. She's still a human. But her brain kept telling her that checking the numbers was important and that some way she's surviving because of it. 

 

We know the CDC guidelines. We know about hand washing, not touching our faces, social distancing. Following those guidelines, we have a better chance of keeping us and other people safe. The goal is to flatten the curve so our medical systems are not overwhelmed. But unfortunately, all of the media attention that is given to this subject has really caused a lot of stress and anxiety and worry in people, which can also have harmful health effects.

 

I've talked on other podcasts before about how anxiety and chronic stress lead to health complications such as irritability, headaches, body aches, stomach issues and strain on the cardiovascular system. And most importantly, it leads to decreased immunity. So with all else being equal, a person who is under a lot of stress is less likely to fight off the Coronavirus if they are exposed and more likely to be one of the 4% of the people who are considered critical or severe if they do get the virus. 

 

I've said on other podcasts and will probably continue to use this quote by Eckhart Tolle, “Worry pretends to be necessary.” In reality, we don't have control over when or how we're going to die, even if we isolate, even if we judge others for not isolating enough or for isolating too much. Even if we wash our hands twenty times a day. We have this illusion of control, that if we just do these certain things, then we'll somehow not be mortal and not die. But when we live in fear, we're basically sacrificing our peace of today by worrying about tomorrow. Fear does not stop death, it stops life. 

 

I was reading an article on calmclinic.com about how chronic anxiety can cause neurological symptoms in the body. There can be symptoms that resemble MS, or brain tumors or Lyme disease. Chronic anxiety can cause tingling or numbness in the hands and feet. It can also cause coldness or burning sensations in the hands and feet. It can cause nerve pain because the brain activates nerve sensors when under a lot of anxiety and stress. It can cause lightheadedness or dizziness because of the adrenaline that's produced when you're under anxiety. It can cause chronic headaches or migraines. It can even cause vision problems. Chronic stress and anxiety can cause fatigue. A lot of times you're not able to sleep well—there's insomnia. There can even be memory loss as a result of too much of the stress, cortisol, hormone. And even severe anxiety can cause confusion to the point that people think something is wrong physically with their brain. 

 

Now, there are a lot of reasons not to worry, not to have stress, not to have chronic anxiety. But how do you stop it? Especially if your brain has been programmed to react this way for probably decades? I've definitely had times in my life where I am overthinking, and my brain doesn't seem like it can shut off. Often our current medical system has a band-aid approach: Take this medicine to stop your worrying. We're never really taught to address the root cause, and that it's even possible for this to change. So what can we do when we find ourselves worrying? The first thing to remember is that worrying occurs when you're not in the present moment. Thinking about the present moment, there's no possible way that you can be worrying.

 

Worrying either comes from thinking about things in the past that you may have guilt or shame or regret about, or things in the future. So how can you be more present? Try to describe what is occurring for you very objectively. If someone came in the room and saw you, they might see you're sitting on the couch, or you might be laying on your bed or you might be hearing some words on the news. Your body might be warm or cold. You might feel the textures on the surfaces that you're sitting or standing on or the ground beneath your feet. You might be smelling or tasting or hearing something. Noticing all of these things can get you more into the present moment. Notice that the worry or the fear are just basically stories that you're telling. They’re painful stories, and they're optional. 

 

Byron Katie says we only do three things in life. We stand, we sit and we lie horizontal. When we bring everything back to the bare facts, the circumstances in our life, we see that the rest is just a story. It's just thoughts produced by our brain, the way that we're interpreting the situation. And we can choose to think about these things however we want. COVID-19 is a neutral circumstance. The fact that there is a social distancing mandate is neutral. If we're feeling anything negative when we think about COVID-19 or social distancing, it's because of the thoughts we're choosing to think.

 

Imagine that suffering or worry or depression is our body's signal to us that we are attaching to a thought. And Byron Katie teaches us that any time we are having pain or a negative emotion, it's because we're believing a thought that is in contrast to reality. Think about this emotional pain, or even physical pain, as our body's natural alarm system. We are having thoughts that aren't serving us; we are having thoughts that are in contrast to reality. A lot of times those thoughts look like: 

This shouldn't be happening.

People should not be dying from this.

My life should look different in some way than how it looks right now.

My business should be open. 

I should be making money at my job. 

Do you notice a lot of shoulds that our brain thinks are true? That's usually a sign we're thinking something in contrast to reality. The reality is, it's happening. The more we can accept that, the less emotional pain we'll have. 

 

Maybe you're having a lot of worry about the way you're handling parenting at this time, the way you're handling homeschooling your kids, maybe you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself and not feeling like you're showing up the way you want to or the way you normally would. And maybe that's true. Maybe we could have a little bit of compassion for ourselves and understanding that there are a lot of adjustments we're making right now and maybe not acting like we would have if society was its normal way. Maybe that's a good thing. Maybe we can cut ourselves a little bit of slack and really focus on what's important.

 

I've been giving myself extra time to sleep, to take naps every day and that's been really, really nice. I think my body has needed it lately. Think about other ways your body can restore itself right now. Here's something I read on Facebook. So your kids survived on snacks yesterday. They are still safe, they are still loved. So your kids had too much tablet time. They are still safe. They are still loved. So your kids have not been keeping up with their homeschooling. They are still safe. They are still loved. So your kids have no routine and are staying up late and sleeping in. They are still safe. They are still loved. So your house is a mess. You are tired, you are snappy, you are overwhelmed. You are still safe. You are still loved. You are not failing at anything. You're surviving everything. 

 

In order to overcome worry and make your life and the lives of those around you better, you must separate the facts from the painful story you're telling. If you've been listening to my other podcasts, you know about the model. If not, review—it's Episode 5. So it's one of the most important parts of the model, separating the circumstance line from your thought about it. The circumstance is something neutral. It's something objective. It's something that everyone could agree on. And then we have our thoughts about it. 

 

So, for example, social distancing—there might be some people that have very different thoughts about social distancing than other people do. If you're not feeling like social distancing is something that is neutral, it's because you have so many thoughts about it that are making it not seem neutral. But try to think, maybe, what other people would think about it. Hypothetically, there could be someone who enjoys it. There are definitely some companies that are making money because of it. So try and get out of your own head, your own perspective of reality, how can you look at what is going on in a different way? 

 

Maybe your financial situation seems very real and scary to you right now. Maybe you're worrying a lot about the future of your finances. But what is going on in the present moment? You know that worry only occurs when you're thinking about the future. And I think in society, we've generally accepted that we do need to worry about things and we can change the future by being more worried about things. If we don't worry enough, we won't be secure. We're irresponsible if we don't, but really, when we're in a state of worry, we're not thinking clearly. We're scattered In our thinking, we're maybe buffering, trying to avoid reality by trying to escape—watching Netflix, or drinking or maybe even spending more money. There's really no way that worry helps us. If we want to change our financial prospects, we need to be clear headed. We need to have inspiration, or we need to feel trusting or we need to feel gratitude and abundance. 

 

What's going on for you right now if you're not looking at the future, or the past? Do you have food in your pantry? Do you have a home? Do you have heat or power in your house? Do you have resources on the internet? Maybe you have resources that you never knew you had, and time that you didn't have before to spend developing talents or new business ideas that you wouldn't have thought of otherwise. What if you could truly believe that everything is happening just as it should. Maybe you were just wrong—you thought you were going to get money from your business being open this month. But since it's not open this month, you'll have to get your money some other way. Maybe you thought you needed more money than you actually do need. 

 

What if you could believe that everything happens for me, not to me? When you see that everything is for you, then you can begin to look for evidence of why this is happening for you. It allows you to have a space where you can learn from what's going on. And you can look at it in a way that you can really see and believe that this is happening for you. Have you ever had an experience in your life, that at the time you thought things were going wrong? It seemed really, horribly wrong. But then when you look back, you see that it's probably best that it happened the way it did. In fact, you got some benefit or some blessings from this other way that you never knew or could have seen or predicted at the time. Maybe the difficult thing you went through caused a lot of learning and growth that has helped you in your life later. I like to think about a painful struggle I've gone through, or physical pain, as giving me empathy for someone who's going through that and maybe the ability to help them in a deeper way that I wouldn't be able to if I hadn't personally gone through the suffering. 

 

I have a friend who bought a house. It was a hoarder’s house. So it was really trashed on the inside and disgusting. So they got it in it and remodeled the house and got to the point of, you know, putting siding on the house. It was pretty much completely redone. And he was burning some weeds in the yard and put out the fire when he was done. But one of the embers got up under the siding. And after he left that night, some neighbors called him and told him his house was on fire and it was completely burned down to the ground. So all of the money they'd spent on remodeling and the time and the effort that had gone into it was completely gone within the course of a few hours. Needless to say, he was devastated. And especially, really down on himself because he basically lit his own house on fire. But he was able to rebuild and because the old, existing structure had been burned down, he was able to start new and had a new floor design that suited his needs better. He actually built a bonus room, which he never would have had in the original house. And they actually found the piping that was going from the street to the house, now that it was exposed, was old and corroded. So all of the water that would have been going into his house would have been pretty much disgusting. So he got new pipes, new floor plan and a brand new house and two years later, he can look back and really have gratitude for the fire. It blessed his life in a way. It gave him a lot of strength emotionally as well. Now he has this beautiful, modern, new house that's completely redone, and is better than ever. 

 

So what do you want to look back on this time in your life and see that was positive about it? Maybe you gain some strength. Maybe you stop an addiction, or you work on the worrying habit that has plagued you your whole life. Maybe having this time and this opportunity to be faced with something very difficult is going to allow you to overcome and be stronger for it. Sometimes when you're in the midst of it, it's hard to have that perspective. Talking to someone or getting coached can be very helpful, but also journaling about what's going on in your head. Get everything out of your head and onto paper. I’ve recommended this many times, because it is so much more effective than just trying to think it through in your head. So when your hand is writing, your brain is a little more involved with the physicality of the handwriting. And so you're able to access some of the more subconscious thinking that you're not realizing is even going on because your conscious mind just filters it out. And once you start doing this for a while, you'll start to recognize certain patterns of thinking, certain thoughts you have over and over, that keep coming up for you. Bruce Lipton describes them as programs. 

 

I think of them as when I was developing my brain as a child under the age of seven. And I was putting in all the programs of how the world works, and how I should act so that my brain could run efficiently and effectively. I developed these ways of thinking that are underlying and maybe not serving me. I've talked about one of my programs that keeps coming up for me is I don't have enough time. And with what's going on right now, I actually do have more time than usual. So it's interesting, I noticed that program doesn't come up for me as much right now. But a similar one, that is, There's too much to do is coming up for me a lot. The more I'm looking around my house, I see all the imperfections. I see the closets that need to be reorganized, and I see all the work that needs to be done. And I'm working on some personal growth things and my business. And I just feel like there's too much to do, even though that's basically just something that my brain made up and came up with. And it stresses me out when I let that program run unattended. So I really have to clue in and notice, Oh, that's what I'm doing. 

 

Another one that I developed early in my childhood and has stayed with me and keeps coming up, even when I think I have it nailed in one context, something challenging comes up. And I start to think What would the neighbors think? So right now for me, I know I have some kind of extreme-thinking neighbors that post a lot on Facebook with a lot of social shaming. And if I do leave my house, I have become more aware of this fear I have that people are judging me. They think I'm cruel and heartless. They think I'm a murderer, basically, because we define essential tasks differently. And it took really sitting down with my coach and talking through this to realize I am causing myself worry and stress when I have these thoughts, and I'm actually proving to myself that I am not a caring person, when I worry and stress and fret about what the neighbors think. I'm not caring to myself. 

 

Our brain always wants to prove itself true. That's part of its program, the reticular activating system, necessarily filters the information incoming into our brain. So we look for and find things that prove our brain right. This is just how our brain is designed to function. And it's functioning just as it should. It's functioning well. It's functioning right. This is the default setting, but we can also upgrade our brain. So notice your thoughts. Notice your programs with compassion. 

 

Another technique to combat worry about the future is to shift your focus to something you can do now. So if your fear is about your health, you're worried about catching the virus, then try to think of something you can do that's positive for your health right now. Or each day. You could take a walk, or if you don't feel comfortable going outside, you could exercise in your home. There are a lot of streaming platforms that have free exercise opportunities that you can take advantage of. I know my yoga studio, InBALANCE Utah, has a YouTube channel with awesome virtual classes, one of them by yours truly, as a matter of fact. Exercise actually increases your natural endorphins and helps you feel better on a physical level. Feeling good can help reprogram your brain from this state of worry, and constant arousal and stress to actually being able to be present and enjoy your present moment without thinking about the past or the future. 

 

Laughter is also really great for this. Norman Cousins healed himself from ankylosing spondylitis, an autoimmune disorder, by watching funny movies. Instead of worrying about all of the homeschooling requirements with your children that they're not keeping up with, maybe you could focus on doing one hour per day, or I was able to pay one of my older sons to tutor his younger brother. Another thing you could try is talking to the teachers, maybe sending them a message with what's going on in your current situation, asking for help. I know one of the girls in my daughter's class was given permission to do less homework each day because they have a family with lots of young kids. And mom doesn't have enough time and they have to share a computer. So identifying what you're anxious about, and then having some small plan that you can take control of each day. 

 

Try and spend as much time thinking of a positive thing as you do focusing on the negative. So if you are watching one hour of news per day, try to spend one hour listening to something else that's uplifting for you or that's inspiring, or again, creating vs consuming. Another technique is to actually plan time for worrying. So plan a time where you're just going to worry about all the things you want to worry about, and not really repress that emotion or try to get out of that sense of worry, but have it constrained to a certain time. 

 

And Brooke Castillo from The Life Coach School suggests that you worry while you work. So pick one small place of your house to organize. So maybe it's your sock drawer, or your junk drawer, or one closet that you're going through and designate that time as time that you are going to, with purpose, worry, as well as do something that you do have control over, which is managing your environment and what you're choosing to keep and what you're choosing to donate or get rid of. It's just like with your thoughts, choosing thoughts that serve you. You can look at each item and determine Is this something that I still want in my life? and it's symbolic, in a way, that you're doing the same thing physically as you are doing with your mental worries. You could limit the amount of time that you're checking the news, or looking at numbers. 

 

Even before all of this pandemic, there were studies showing people who spent a lot of time on social media had a higher rate of depression. So we know that disconnecting and detaching from various types of media can actually really help with decreasing our worry. My coach actually called her primitive brain her Facebook feed, which I think is pretty true. Spending time calming your mind in meditation is extremely important. So people are sometimes intimidated by meditation, thinking they don't know how to do it properly, and they're not good at it. But remember, your brain does produce 60,000 to 70,000 thoughts a day. So even just trying to quiet your mind, you might only last a second or two before you have another thought that's coming into your head. But that's normal. The main point of meditation is not to have a clear mind free of thoughts, but as a way to reflect and notice that you are attached to certain thoughts, and to practice letting them go. 

 

Remember that rewiring our brain takes time. If you are as old as I am, and in your forties, you've been practicing, thinking a certain way for over four decades. One way I like to approach the thoughts that do come into my mind when I'm trying to quiet my mind and meditate is by either labeling them as future or past. So thoughts that come into my mind are generally not about the present moment, but it's thoughts about what I'm going to cook for dinner, or concerns about what someone might have thought. Just label it future or past. And then let it go. 

 

There are also many guided meditations that are available. So if you want to focus on the words of someone else, instead of being alone with your thoughts, sometimes that can be a nice way to start too. Breathing is one of the best ways we can start to calm our anxious mind. So breathing we do automatically. It's something we do from the moment we're born till the moment we die. But we aren't always consciously breathing or in control of our breathing. And especially when anxiety takes over, we have more shallow, rapid breathing. So if you find yourself worrying, start by taking slower, deeper, more purposeful breaths. So if you're not able to get ahold of your thoughts and calm your mind, you can kind of start by calming your body in a physical way that can have an effect on the way you're thinking as well. I encourage you to try to breathe in fully. So imagine filling up your entire lungs, maybe even into your stomach and down to your intestines. 

 

Something that usually happens with anxiety can be stomach issues or gastrointestinal issues. So I've had ulcerative colitis. And I learned that deep breathing actually helps that physical pain I was feeling. So one of the things they know about GI issues is there's a decreased blood flow and some mild oxygen deprivation to the tissues there, which makes sense because when you're in fight or flight, blood is diverted from your stomach to your muscles so you have more power to run away. So when I breathe in deeply, I imagine all of that oxygen I'm breathing in going all the way down and oxygenating clear down to my pelvis. And then when I breathe out, I try to breathe out fully. So you may try counting four counts in, four counts out as you're breathing. But try it. Breathing can be one of the quickest and easiest tools and one of the tools you always have with you. So getting good at that can be really, really helpful. I know it sounds weird to get good at breathing, but for real, it's a thing. 

 

Another important way to rewire your brain is to cultivate positive emotions. Have positive emotions on purpose. If you can think of the future, your future self, and pair it with a positive emotion, and do this over and over on purpose, your brain starts to believe that's reality. They've shown this in research, you can go back to Episode 2 to learn about how powerful our thoughts are, and then know that pairing it with a positive emotion makes those thoughts even more powerful. 

 

This is seen with people who start a gratitude journal looking for three things to write down each day that they're grateful for. And after a month, they report greater happiness, greater contentment with their life and satisfaction, because they start looking for things to be grateful for. And it starts to literally rewire those circuits in their brain from always looking for the negative things to starting to look for positive things on purpose. You can also try to feel gratitude in your body and really feel and describe the feeling. Does it feel like it's in a certain area of your body? For me, by my chest, by my heart, is where I feel gratitude. And sometimes what I'll do if I'm feeling stressed, is to actually just try to focus on recreating that physical feeling in my body. 

 

Joe Dispenza says, “Can you accept the notion that once you change your internal state, you don't need the external world to provide you with a reason to feel joy, gratitude, appreciation, or any other elevated emotion?” So usually what we're taught is if we can change the circumstances in our life, then that's what makes us feel happy. But what he's saying, and you can probably find examples in your life, you know, if you're really feeling a lot of love, say you're in love with someone, you are not as bugged if people are not driving well, or if there's a long line at the supermarket or if someone makes a snide comment. You can brush it off because you're just feeling so good because the love you're feeling in your heart. 

 

I'm going to end with another quote by Joe Dispenza, which I think is really relevant to what's going on right now. He says, “It's our job to evolve our brains to the next level so they understand that we're not in any physical danger, that stress and anxiety are not necessary. In fact, we can create a way of living that helps us know not only to survive, but to absolutely thrive.” Let me know what you think of this. 

 

And if you have questions or comments, or if you're interested in getting coaching, or finding out more about the six-week anxiety program we'll be starting soon, please email me at info@bodyandmindlifecoach.com. I'll have my email in the show notes.

 

Thank you so much for listening. I hope you learned a little bit about your brain today that helps you in your life like it helped me. Please be sure and subscribe and leave a review. And, of course, be sure and share this podcast with someone you know who wants an unstoppable body and mind.